Fears

I've recently wrote an entire list of what I'm scared of. Well, not everything. I did omit the obvious: snakes, getting struck by lightning while golfing, falling through street grates, becoming a quadriplegic, and baked beans.

But I kept the stuff that is important, at least to me. The stuff that could keep me up at night. And now it's sealed in an envelope. I'm working really hard to forget my fears, because as a good friend reminded me "if you spend your life worrying about the storm, you'll never enjoy the sun."

But I chalk it up to my genetic pre-disposition to worry.

For instance, when I was six (or was it 7?) I learned about HIV and AIDS. Subsequently, after I pricked my finger on a stick pin in a dress store the next week I was completely inconsolable. I once got some facial astringent in my mouth and told my mother to call poison control- I didn't swallow any of it. And i'm probably the only 6 year old in history to ask a parent, politely, to call poison control and also have the number memorized. I watched a Dateline on Lou Gehrig's disease when I was eight. Any slight tremor felt in my muscles for the entire summer I chalked up to my muscles slowly shrinking under this disease. (Did I mention I grew 2 inches and gained over 5 pounds that summer?) And for the most part I've grown out of it. I mean, I still refuse to wear antipersperant that contains aluminum (which pretty much leaves me with the only other option: a manly smelling stick of deodorant). And I consider the fact that I don't drink milk living life on the wild side- playing chicken with the onset of osteoporosis.

But I've rode a motorcycle across the country, and moved (twice) 1,500 miles away from my family by myself. I fully support myself (which for most is the scariest thing in the world) and I used to smoke. I moved in with my boyfriend and share a closet. I go to the beach and don't wear sunscreen in hopes to maximize my tan, and I don't get regular physicals at the doctor. I am not scared to walk alone at night.

So I think I'm making progress... and I'm going to start wearing sunscreen- stay out in the sun a little more, and not worry about if it's ever going to storm.