Rumor has it...

I used to love gossip. Nothing gave me greater pleasure than finding out something so juicy, so inticing, that I immediately had to pass it on with the promise, "I will tell you something, it's really good. But you have to PROMISE not to tell anyone." Of course I knew when whoever it was I decided to bless with this news said, "I promise," it was just an incomplete sentence which concluded in their heads, "I promise-- to only tell this to people who will appreciate the solid juice that this is dripping of."

That was back in High School. Needless to say, I've grown. It took me most of college, the realization that no one appreciates gossip as much as Smalltown, Nebraska, and finally the conclusion that I was just waisting my energy. I don't really care much about social indiscretions anymore- unless it is happening to me, which is painful enough. Unless it's happy stuff: engagement, new job, new house or preganancy, you can just leave me out.

And that's what's happened. Pregnancy, and being left out.

My best childhood friend from 1st grade, the person I invited over for birthdays, the girl I shared my crushes with in Junior High, and the girl I had my first beer with at the ripe old age of 14. I go to her house for Christmas Eve with the rest of her family, and her mother calls me "Marge"-- an informality that is usually reserved for only the top eschelon of high school friends- -and I let her. I let her convince me to cut 16 inches off of my hair two years ago and buy that over-priced Coach purse. She was with me on the 12 hour drive to Wyoming, and the 1,500 mile journey from Omaha to St. Augustine complete with pit stops in St. Louis, Memphis, New Orleans, and Tallahassee.

And she's pregnant.

Well, I guess I would be considered a gossip for saying that since I haven't actually heard it from her yet. Just everyone else we grew up with.

And it hurts.

Selfishly I keep thinking: no more late nights. No more driving around at 3am letting our guts do the talking. No more cross country vacations packed into my car listening to the local radio stations and stopping at novelty shops.

Because there is going to be a baby to take care of now... according to everyone else.

I will be happy for her. She will make a great mother and has an amazing family to support her and Luke (her boyfriend.) But it's just going to take me awhile. I hope she understands.