Profound Exhaustion

Yes, I’m back.

In case you were wondering, I was back in Nebraska. On the farm. Where there is dial-up and no cell phone reception for 40 miles. (At least my carrier.) The solitude made it was a nice break – not to mention stirring to see two of my oldest best friends get married to each other. When I got back to Florida I sat down and had myself a good little mope- having not had enough time with my sister.

But now I’m exhausted. Instead of resting after such a busy trip, what did I do? I went out with my boyfriend last night. And drank. Until midnight. (Momentary bragging: to celebrate my promotion.) But in this haze of exhausted semi-hung over stupor I pause to reflect. Forever is the struggle within ourselves to understand our instincts, but I drew the line today. That’s right- Miss No Boundaries is cordoning off a little section called, “potential for hot mess.” The hot mess, of course being my natural tendency to get frustrated with myself and what causes this said frustration. I’ve identified that little red flashing ‘go’ button, and decided to stop pushing it. Stop pushing it with my assumptions of people I’ve never met, and definitely stop pushing it for what I assume others think of me. I’ve over-analyzed this to death and if ignorance really is bliss than I will be one helluva sad puppy the rest of my life. But, at least I will know myself (for better or for worse.)

And- if you didn’t know, I’m not a sad puppy. In case we haven’t met—I’m a fun-haver.

The sad puppy is my boyfriend’s dog that was dropped off at 6am this morning by his mom. He was mauled by a German Sheppard… and is currently gobbling down ibuprofen wrapped in American cheese.

Side note: So someone should start to get excited about our (Schuyler and my) new canoe. I’m going to catch very tasty fish and watch my boyfriends face and shoulders get freckled by the sun. (A very good thing—I love freckles.) Until then, I’m going to attempt to keep these worn out eyes from falling asleep until work is over (and the new glasses aren’t helping much.)