So lately I’ve been pondering my age and the fact that come January 3rd I’ll be on the south end of 30 and gaining fast. Which I’m actually totally cool with, in the grand scheme of things. Theoretically I’m ok with getting older. I’m cool with cheaper car insurance, not getting ID checked at bars, being able to get a tattoo whenever I want (wherever I want.) I’m even cool with being one of those hip old moms that have to find their reading glasses in order to read the formula container and constantly gets asked if I’m the kid’s ‘granny.’ That’s fine with me because just about the time I get my driver’s license taken away for being old and senile, my kid should be 16 and can drive me to bingo.
However, there is one thing I’m sooo no ok with. And that, my friends, is my metabolism. I was one of those kids that in high school could eat a Big Mac, fries, regular coke, and a McFlurry and not gain a pound. Even in college I sustained myself of $1 bagel day at the college coffee shop. I would have an everything bagel with cheddar garlic cream cheese (heaven!) for breakfast about 3-4 days a week. And AND then go back and have another one for lunch.
Today folks? Well today a bagel would be my worst enemy. I take one look at a bagel and think about how it’s 600 calories even without the cheese and that it’s all carbs that will metabolize into sugar that I won’t burn and it will then affix itself directly onto my rapidly expanding ass. Or my under arms—I’ve notices those are getting a little wobbly lately. And it’s not like college, where I could just walk 18 holes of golf three days a week and be all, “I’ll have extra cream cheese on my bagel today.”
No. Nooooo. Today I have to cut out enjoyable foods from my diet (including pasta, bread, potoes, ALCOHOL) and replace my 2 hours of evening TV with grunting at yoga or the gym or to a Jillian-bitchface-Michaels DVD.
Four more years until 30. Forever more years on a diet. Unless flabby-chic becomes a trend. Quick, someone get me Anna Wintour’s number!
However, there is one thing I’m sooo no ok with. And that, my friends, is my metabolism. I was one of those kids that in high school could eat a Big Mac, fries, regular coke, and a McFlurry and not gain a pound. Even in college I sustained myself of $1 bagel day at the college coffee shop. I would have an everything bagel with cheddar garlic cream cheese (heaven!) for breakfast about 3-4 days a week. And AND then go back and have another one for lunch.
Today folks? Well today a bagel would be my worst enemy. I take one look at a bagel and think about how it’s 600 calories even without the cheese and that it’s all carbs that will metabolize into sugar that I won’t burn and it will then affix itself directly onto my rapidly expanding ass. Or my under arms—I’ve notices those are getting a little wobbly lately. And it’s not like college, where I could just walk 18 holes of golf three days a week and be all, “I’ll have extra cream cheese on my bagel today.”
No. Nooooo. Today I have to cut out enjoyable foods from my diet (including pasta, bread, potoes, ALCOHOL) and replace my 2 hours of evening TV with grunting at yoga or the gym or to a Jillian-bitchface-Michaels DVD.
Four more years until 30. Forever more years on a diet. Unless flabby-chic becomes a trend. Quick, someone get me Anna Wintour’s number!
2 comments:
Mmmm. Schmagels.
322 calories?? SHIT.
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