It all catches up with us, sometimes when we least expect it.

Recently I've been feeling... adrift. It snuck up on me one day while I was in the grocery isle, inspecting labels for high fructose corn syrup, red dye #40, and aspartame. In a single moment I went from Margo: young professional, great sense of humor, gregarious, outgoing, carefree, happy, grounded to something dull, dark, and upset.

I guess the inertia of the year has finally gotten the best of me. Making tea in my kitchen this evening I was lamenting the fact that I had to heat the water in the microwave. I immediately thought of the teapot at my parent's house and all the cups of lemon zinger with honey I made on cold winter nights and smiled... and then got so upset. Knowing those moments are forever gone, with the house. Burned and pushed in a hole.

We own our Florida house. Yet, this place doesn't quite feel like home. And the farm I always thought of as home is gone.

It's not just the fire that's got me down. It's just the unbearable heaviness of all that is expected of me. It's my fault, I let people have these expectations. Just for once, I would like to be the one who isn't coordinating, responsible, and smiling. For once I would like to relax, and remember who I really am. I feel like I've lost touch with that girl. I used to like that girl. The person I am today? Well, I don't even know her well enough to know if I like her.